All Things Considered
by Random Rockstar
Summary: Everyone's favorite bishies go on a 'road trip!' However, their car breaks down and there's something suspicious lurking about. (Keep in mind this is a horror movie PARODY.) [Warnings Inside]


**All Things Considered…**

**One**

**Road Trip Gone Wrong**

_(a.n. – BWAH HAH HAH!__ Yes, yet another **wonderful *cough cough* piece of masterpiece by yours truly. I've put (almost) everything else on hold because I wanna work on this and ****Show Me the Way from Crazy I also have my Furuba story still going – if anyone's interested in that. Anyway – about this story. I dunno how I came to write it. Personally, I think I was drunk or something. But I remember writing it – so it couldn't have been that bad. I started it at about _11:00_**__ at night, and finished it right after I finished my MCAS tests. (They're standardized tests for __Massachusetts__ students. Blah.) Anycrap – it's kinda like a parody of all those REALLY BAD, predictable horror movies. You could say this is like Scary Movie – but it's not as bad, or funny, depending on your point of view, as that. Hmm – yes, well – please review, even if you didn't like it.)_

**Disclaimer: **I can't draw for crap. Does that convince you?!

**Note: **Eh heh heh^_^;; As I said, warnings inside. Don't really wanna push anyone away from this story, but it does have little shounen-ai-y moments in here. But if you don't like it – it's not excessive or anything. It's something I support, so please don't hate me. T-T Anyway, there's also swearing, urm – maybe some other weird stuff – I haven't decided. So yeah, that's all for now – I'll shut up.

            "So . . . after their car broke down; they came to an augury black house – totally abandoned, and stayed there the night. The next day, only one was left alive. That one person has yet to be found. For all we know, they could be dead right now too . . ." Marik finished his would-be ghost story, if he hadn't been giggling throughout the whole thing. 

Ryou's eyes widened, "W-was this place anywhere near here?" 

            "Oh, don't believe his crap Ryou," Bakura sneered, glaring at the other yami for scaring his light, "It's just a story. Plus, he was laughing – that obviously means he wasn't serious." 

            "Yeah," Malik chimed in, holding Ryou close, "I know he's full of crap." 

            Ryou snuggled closer into Malik's chest and closed his eyes in contentment. 

            Yuugi aimlessly stared out the window. The sky was becoming quite dark, well; it was darker sooner than it should for the summer season. It was nearing dinner time, so that meant that a storm was probably approaching.

            "Crap," He heard his yami mutter from the front of the van. That couldn't be good, after all – he was the one driving.

            "Oh! Did we break down or something?" Seto questioned at the sudden stop – and Marik laughed evilly.

            "No. I just think I ran over something . . ." Yami trailed off, trying to look out the windows up front.

            "What? Too scared to go out there and look?" Jounouchi taunted from where he was sitting in the passenger seat.

            Yami narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't see you rushing out there to look." 

            "Well, I'm not the one who ran over it." Jou defended.

            Yami sighed. "Fine. I'll go out there and look." 

            And so he opened up the car door, and stepped outside.

            "Well, I can barely see a damn thing out here, let alone under the van," He was about to continue, but a flashlight hit him in the head, falling to the ground. Yami rolled his eyes and then kneeled down to pick up the flashlight, the people in the van watching his every move. He pressed the button to turn the flashlight on, and scanned around the tires. "HOLY SHIT!" He screamed and jumped back in the van.

            He received a collective scream from the other members of the stupidly proclaimed "road trip." 

            "W-what was there?" Yuugi asked, not really sure if he wanted to know.

            "Nothing," Yami shrugged, "Just thought it would be fun to do that." He then threw the flashlight at Seto, who had originally thrown it at him. Seto, in turn, glowered at the ex-pharaoh.

            "Promise me you'll never do that again." Marik said.

            Yami rolled his eyes and taunted, "Aww, did I _scare_ you?" 

            "No. But Ryou's crying." 

            Yami sighed and turned the key to the ignition. "You people ruin all of my fun." 

            "La de da, Yami – why aren't we moving?" Honda asked, noticing just now that they hadn't been moving for the past five minutes.

            Yami slowly turned around and sweat dropped. "The car won't start." He stated, ignoring Marik's giggling in the background. Seto threw the flashlight at him, and the insane laughter stopped. 

            "Ow. Damn you." 

            "Well," Bakura sighed, "We're all men here – surely we can get a freaking van to start up again. Maybe even if the Pharaoh's a little wussy." 

            "Resenting that."

            "No one asked you." 

            "Um, Yami . . . do you even know how a van works?" Ryou asked softly.

            "Of course I do!" Bakura stated grandly, ". . . I have no idea."

            "I'm sure it was just a one time thing." Yami calmly said, and started the ignition again, "Or a two time thing . . ."

            "Hell, it could even be a seventy-sixth time thing." 

            Most of the van was now listlessly staring out the window while Yami was still trying to get the van to start up.

            "Give it up. We're doomed. We're all going to die." Otogi commented.

            "Well there's another world heard from," Jou said, surprised, "When the hell did you wake up?"

            "A few seconds ago." 

            "Then how do you know about the situation?"

            "We have a situation? Well, I was just reminded of a really cheesy, low-budget horror movie written by someone with way too much time on their hands, that also gets paid way too much to write sucky stuff." 

            "Ooooh! Glowsticks!" Malik muttered, cracking a couple and waving them around.

            "Well, at least someone's easily amused." Ryou sighed, staring at the colored glow each plastic stick gave off.

            "I give up!" Yami declared, throwing the keys out the window in frustration.

            "DAMMIT! You are so going out there and getting those!" Bakura shouted.

            Yami peered out the window. "No thanks." 

            "I say we vote on who goes out and gets them!"

            "Sure. I'm voting for Yami – cause he's the dumbass who threw them out the window."

            "Nyah. I'm voting for Bakura because he called me a dumbass." 

            "Glowsticks . . ." 

            "I'm voting for Seto!"

            "FINE! I'm voting for Jou then!" 

            "Me too!" 

            "Glowsticks . . ." 

            "I'm voting for Ryou just because it'd be fun to see him out there, pissing himself out of fear." 

            "I . . . I don't want to vote for anyone." 

            "Glowsticks . . ." 

            "I'm gonna vote for," Yuugi said, looking around the van. "Marik. For being mean to Ryou." 

            "Glowsticks . . ." 

            "I'll vote for Yami, too."

            "No fair!" 

            "Glowsticks . . ." 

            "Okay," Seto said, looking at his tally marks. "That makes two votes for Yami, one for Bakura, one for me, . two for the inu, one for Ryou, Ryou didn't even VOTE, one for Marik, and five votes for the glowsticks." He finished. "Hmm…" he pondered, taking a glowstick from Malik and throwing it out the window. "Work your magic." 

            "Hey! I think those are actually the keys!" Yami said, point to something illuminated by the glowstick. 

            "Nope – that's just a skull with a knife sticking out of its head." 

            "Oh – dammit." Yami dejectedly sighed.

            "Shhhiinnneeeyyy . . ."

            "Gloooowwwstiickkss . . ." 

            "How about we take a road trip to the next mental ward?" Yuugi coughed. 

            "I can't believe you lost the keys." Bakura mumbled as they walked down a dirt path.

            "It's not MY fault." Yami defended himself fruitlessly.

            The group had long since given up on the search for the keys, even after they locked Yami out of the van and made him search. So now the group had settled with making Bakura and Yami look for someone to call a mechanic, while they were all just sitting around eating Pixie Stix.

            "There's no way in HELL anyone would live out here." Bakura said angrily, kicking a stone out of anger.

            "They'll come get us soon." Yami said, sitting down on the edge of the road, "The air conditioner in the van doesn't turn on without the keys." 

            Bakura snickered. Maybe the pharaoh did have his own devious plans after all. He then, halfway reluctantly, sat down next to Yami.

            Soon after, a black, mid-sized car came rumbling down the road. For a couple of minutes, Yami and Bakura stared at it going by. Soon after it was almost gone from sight, they both got up, chasing the glowing headlights, yelling and screaming, trying to make it stop for them.

            "Gah. I think we lost it." Yami sighed in defeat, not knowing which of the many side streets it went down.

            "Dumbass," Bakura said, kicking Yami, "I could've caught up with them if YOU weren't yelling at me to slow down." 

            Yami glared at him and then noticed that his current companion, not by choice – might I add, was staring straight ahead, eyes wide as saucers.

            "What is it?" Yami asked, and when not getting a reply, followed Bakura's line of vision. "Holy crap . . ."

            "Now what do we do?"            

            "Um . . . RUN!" Yami yelled, and both ancient spirits booked it down the street and back to the van, pounding on the windows and doors to be let in.

            Finally, someone had the decency to unlock the doors, and soon after they were locked again; all the windows closed.

            Yami was sitting in the driver's seat again, shaking a bit, and Bakura was on top of Marik, _(a.n. – Mental images . . . mental images . . . GOOD mental images.) _trying to strangle him.

            "Do you think it's funny scaring us half to death?! You probably knew that place existed, and plotted this whole thing!" Bakura screamed, shaking Marik with every word.

            "Um . . ." Seto started, "Not sure what happened, but I don't think it's a good idea to kill Marik over it."           

            "Yami," Yuugi said, "It's getting hot, can you roll down the windows again?"

            "No." Yami automatically responded.

            'What happened anyway?" Otogi asked, now only slightly animate from the numerous Pixie Stix he consumed.

            Everyone turned to Yami, as he was usually the responsible one when he's not throwing car keys out windows, but only silence greeted their ears.

            "Well, since Pharaoh over here is too scared to tell you – I shall!" Bakura beamed. "After all of you IDIOTS locked us out of here, we chased a car for help and found a house that looked SUSPICIOUSLY like the one Marik described in his _lame ass, FAKE story." Bakura finished, all the while sending dirty glares at Marik. _

            "Mm-hmm," Jou said, raising an eyebrow, "How do we know that you aren't making this up?"

            Bakura shrugged, "You all can go and visit it if you'd like." 

            A couple of people were too scared to, and the rest of them still didn't believe that the place existed.

            Finally, after much quarreling and the throwing of Malik's glowsticks, which caused him to sniffle a lot, the group decided to go and visit this 'fictional' place Bakura spoke of. 

            Said tomb robber led everyone out, but one person remained inside the van out of fear.             

            "Guys! Don't leave me here all alone!" Ryou yelled, and tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

            "Then come!"

            "I don't want to die!"

            "Who knows," Marik said creepily, "Maybe you'll be the one person who never got found. Then you COULD still be alive."          

            A few silent tears left trails leading down Ryou's face, and Malik hugged him protectively. "Don't scare him like that!" He glared at Marik and then spoke softly to Ryou, "It's okay, it's only a story. I bet the place doesn't even exist. You should come along with us – don't worry about anything, I'll protect you if anything happens."

            Ryou nodded his head and latched on to Malik, letting him lead the both of them to the rest of the group.

            "Bwah hah hah! You're all gonna die!"

            "That includes you too, Marik."

            "Oh yeah . . ."

            And so the odd group complied of very different and interesting people trekked to the location of the mythic black mansion. 

_(a.n. – and so ends my pointless first chapter of my pointless horror parody fic. I might add a few ACTUALLY scary moments in here – if I can pull it off. After all I do read too much Stephen King novels. And Anne Rice. Anyway, please review! And I know this is long, I'm sorry. If you don't like longness-  sucks for you. I had fun writing this – which is probably why it's so long. Give me lots of reviews and I might actually update within a week. *Gasp* That's unheard of around here. Anyway – please review. Ja!) _


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